Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
