Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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