This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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