do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
