Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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