so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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