are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think people are normalizing furries
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
