Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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