Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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