And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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