i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
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Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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