Having a random hookup so left but love u
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
