the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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