just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
