you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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