Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
