I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
