We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
