im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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