The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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