I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
