they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
