Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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