there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my being single is dangerous.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
