his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
