yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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