Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
They have beer where we have blood.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
