cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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