I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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