Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
