May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
