Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
