she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
