matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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