I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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