Your dad touched me again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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