I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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