hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
