remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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