now i know why i became what i already was.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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