I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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