The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
