i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
only if we run a train.
done.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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