weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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