I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
