billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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