And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
