ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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