Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
