Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
