You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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