i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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