i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
