No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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