yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
