Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
