I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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