you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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