I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....