he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
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I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
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You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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