I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.