is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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