When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
