...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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