His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
