Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
