I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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