lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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