Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
