Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
