you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
