There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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