i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
