Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
