I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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