I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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